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How Can Improve My Self Confidence
As parents, we want our teenagers to feel confident in who they are. We believe that the encouragement and support we have given them up to this point has been enough to build strong self-esteem.
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As teenagers search for their place in the world, many struggle through situations that challenge beliefs about themselves that they’ve held onto for years.
Fortunately, this does not signal the end of your exposure. Follow the 15 practical and highly effective tips below to help your teen grow into a strong, confident adult with healthy self-esteem.
Before we continue, we thought you might want to download our FREE Your Words Matter collection. With these 10 popular parenting guides, you’ll know exactly how to talk to your kids to help them develop self-confidence, intrinsic motivation, and a can-do attitude.
Make sure your teen can be sure that your love is NOT dependent on their grades, performance, friend group, college, or any other factor, including their choices or behavior.
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When we associate love with achievement, we miss the essence of unconditional love, that it is given freely because our teen is enough just the way they are.
That doesn’t mean you and your teen can’t make mistakes, have bad days, or argue. And it certainly doesn’t mean you ignore the abuse. This is just a reminder that the general message your teen should be getting is:
Many teenagers are stuck in a “fixed mindset” about who they are or what they can or cannot achieve and are often unsure of how to move forward.
Bring what you’ve learned about growth mindset to your family conversations. Talk about the brain, use words like neuroplasticity, and make observations about areas where you’ve seen your teen grow.
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Even if your teen seems to reject it entirely, sprinkle these messages into your interactions, reminding them that their abilities are not fixed, innate, or inflexible, but that there is always room for growth and improvement.
Mistakes and failures can damage a child’s delicate self-esteem and lose confidence. Your voice matters in these situations. When you criticize, panic, or gloss over failure, you’re reinforcing a fixed mindset, which basically sends the message that this bump in the road is a sign that there’s no hope for improvement in the future.
The Big Life Journal – Teen Edition includes activities and advice on accepting mistakes and using failure to your advantage. When teens see failure as a learning experience, they can overcome obstacles in their path.
It’s easy to go overboard and get carried away with your teen’s awards, accolades, and accomplishments. Unfortunately, these things can be tied to their self-esteem, which makes them feel that they are only worthy if they achieve.
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On the other hand, they are not worthy if they fail or fail. Instead, wish your teen achievements, milestones, and growing happiness by emphasizing their hard work, effort, and perseverance.
Focusing on the attributes that got them to this point will help them make the connection between their effort and the outcome.
Effective praise can build resilience, confidence and self-esteem. For more tips and positive expressions, check out our ultimate guide to praising children.
Don’t forget to download our FREE Your Words Matter collection of 10 helpful parenting guides and tips you can use when talking to your kids.
Self Confidence Affirmations
Adolescence is a time of great brain growth, but it can also highlight areas where your teen is struggling—physically, academically, socially, or emotionally—more than when they were younger.
This new struggle can lead to feelings of negative self-esteem. When you identify an area of concern or notice a challenge, encourage your teen to see it as an opportunity to grow, learn, and expand their interests and abilities.
Look for ways to build on things your teen is already passionate about, and explore options for her to use these situations to practice or develop new skills.
Carol Dweck says: “One remarkable thing I’ve learned from my research is that you don’t always have to believe in a growth mindset.”
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Your teen can still try something they’re not good at, or start something new, even if they don’t feel confident at first. If they commit to something wholeheartedly, they adopt a growth mindset and can build confidence along the way. (This also applies to parents learning to bond with their teenagers.)
As teens navigate the ups and downs of new situations and often overwhelming emotions, it helps to know that these challenges are normal.
Building self-esteem and confidence often means taking bold stands and making decisions that affect peer groups or social standing.
Remind your child that he is not a “bad person” for moving on from a toxic company or choosing an activity over a boyfriend/girlfriend. Growing up and maturing can be difficult, but that doesn’t mean your teen is doing anything wrong.
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Confident, clear and persuasive communication is not easy for everyone. Many teenagers do not understand the differences between assertive, passive, and aggressive communication.
Discuss how nuances such as tone of voice can make or break a conversation. Point out how body language and non-verbal cues can send their own message.
Encourage your teen to practice in front of a mirror so they can discover the nuances of assertive communication. Standing up, rolling your shoulders back, and speaking plainly can help your teen feel better, especially if she doesn’t feel very confident going into a difficult situation.
Create a safe space for your teen to work through difficult situations. Give them the freedom to talk about challenges, peer conflict, and grievances about “unfair” teachers and overwhelming homework.
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Then explore ways they can confidently manage these situations by addressing others in a way that is respectful and keeps their self-worth intact.
For teens who struggle to communicate clearly or are challenged in certain social situations, use the safety of your home to explore their options. Role-play potential conversations using different responses, tone of voice, voice and non-verbal cues.
A growth mindset requires kindness and patience with ourselves as we grow and learn. Contrary to the messages shared on social media and the influence of their peer group, your teen does not need an outside opinion to prove personal worth.
If you notice that your teen is stuck in a negative or fixed mindset about their worth, encourage them to embrace their empathy.
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Introduce awareness programs or activities, create positive mantras, or list affirmations where they will appear regularly. When your teen is struggling, encourage them to talk to themselves, using the same words and tone of voice they would use if a close friend was struggling the same way.
Activities such as creating your own mantra, developing affirmations, completing an interest chart, and creating a vision board are included in the Big Life Journal – Teen Edition. These are great ways for teens to bond with themselves.
Teens who are involved in activities, sports teams, volunteer opportunities, and educational activities tend to have higher self-esteem. They are not crushed by failure in one area because they have other things that feed their self-worth.
A [teen] who has multiple sources of self-esteem in addition to romantic activities is a [teen] who can have a healthy romantic life when the time is right. -Lisa Damour, author 12. Give less advice.
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It’s not easy to sit back and watch your child struggle to learn whether to manage the consequences of an impulsive decision. It’s normal to want to share your wisdom or do what you can to smooth the way for your teenager.
However, learning to think through challenges, brainstorm options, and solve problems can build your teen’s confidence.
Instead of solving all of your teen’s problems for them, involve them in the process. Become an encourager, not a director. Listen as they explore where things went wrong, then support your teen’s plan to move forward in a positive direction.
Parents face challenges and setbacks in our daily lives. We can use these moments to show our teenagers that we are human and that we need help too. Be sure to discuss your challenges in front of your children. Let them see you wrong.
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Discuss the situation with them. Maybe ask them for advice or see how they approach your problem. Not only does this build a bond, it also shows your teenager that you are NOT perfect and that you are also learning and growing.
Keep your relationship with your teen strong and build their self-esteem by resisting the urge to turn everything into a “teachable moment” or a long lecture.
Instead, focus on listening to what your teen is up to
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